So today I am going to try something new (again). I thought I should inform my readers of who I am exactly. What brought me to blogging and how I feel I can help others. What better way than to do an interview. And as it's just me writing, I thought I could interview myself. This is because I'm willing to ask the toughest questions and be able to give my honest answers.
So Alice, you're 22 years old and you live with your fiance, son and cat. How did this come to happen? Give me a short summary of your life so far?
Well, I grew up in Kendal (Cumbria) until I was around 4 years old. Then we moved to Southport and I continued to live there until I was around 17, 18 years old. I met my other half (Lee) whilst working for a high street game shop (not GAME). We were friends for a while then a relationship just developed in the end. I found out I was pregnant when I was only about 4 weeks gone but we were pretty chuffed even though we'd only been together a year or so we'd known each other a while longer. Things got serious pretty quickly, we moved into together and after months and months of begging he finally let me get my cat (as long as he named it, of course).
After you had Dexter how was life for you? Did you fall into it easily?
I'll be honest. Life was tough. After just a few days of leaving the hospital I felt drained and all I wanted to do was sit in the bath and cry. My mood would go up and down but I just put it down to 'baby blues' which is very common in mums who've spent time in hospital and stuff. Of course the first months flew by and it was great to have my baby home although at times I found the whole thing very scary and mentally exhausting.
It says here that you suffered from PND (Post natal depression) and health anxiety. Could you tell me more about those and how they affected your life?
Sure. Well post natal depression can affect up to 15% of new mums with around 25% of mothers still suffering from it when their baby reaches their first birthday (source). It usually effects the mums mood and how they want to interact with their new baby. You may feel like a hopeless parent who just can't cope, it can also affect your quality of sleep. Health anxiety can also be a sign of depression although it offers up different symptoms. The way it works is like regular anxiety although your worries are usually medical. For example thinking you're having a heart attack after one heart palpitation.
(Source)
I had a mix of both of these and life was hell. I'd wake up each day feeling as though I hadn't slept to then have to face another day of exhausting mummy tasks. Each time I got out of breath I thought I was dying, every time my legs ached or I got pins and needles I thought it was because I had multiple sclerosis, or mistaking heart burn and jaw ache for cardiac arrest. The thoughts and feelings would come around in sickening waves and vicious circles. My mood was greatly affected, I'd snap at Lee for no reason - I'd become stressed very easily if Dexter wouldn't settle. All I wanted to do was sleep and when it came to doing that I felt like I wasn't getting any rest. And then of course it'd all start all over again. I was forever walking around in a dream world convincing myself I hadn't woken up yet and nothing was real. It really was hell.
Wow, that sounds like it was a very hard time for you. When did you realise that enough was enough?
It took a bit of a kick in the bum from my other half and family members to be honest. I could see how it wasn't just myself who was suffering from these illnesses. My relationships were too. I couldn't go to my friends houses without ending up in tears because I was anxious to be away from home. It was seriously damaging everything around me. I was one of the lucky ones though, I never thought about suicide because I knew I couldn't leave my precious little boy behind - although self harm did cross my mind (I didn't do it). It took Lee to take me to the doctors one day and I just broke down crying. They could see straight away I needed help. To be honest, they probably noticed it a long time before that. I had been in the doctors 6 times in 2 weeks because of a lump on my collarbone which I was convinced was cancer (it wasn't).
(Source)
What happened next for you? How did the doctors help you?
I was asked to do a simple questionnaire which basically asked me on a scale of 1 - 5 how I had been feeling over the past two weeks. It included if I had been feeling 'Down, depressed or hopeless' among other things like 'Little interest in doing activities you usually enjoyed'. So I filled it in and the doctor came to the conclusion I had severe anxiety and mild PND. I was referred to a counsellor who was specifically trained to deal with anxiety and I worked with her for a while. She helped to explain why I was feeling this way (because I want to be there for my son forever) and also she gave me little workbooks to take home. I was advised to write down my symptoms and thoughts throughout the day so she could target the triggers so we could talk about them at our next session. I also did a couple of weeks counselling through my Sure Start centre which was more general but was told to stop whilst I was seeing the specialist. As well as this I was taking antidepressants.
When did you start noticing changes in your mood and way of thinking?
It took a few weeks for the medication to start working and I was able to sleep deeper, the problem wasn't getting to sleep for me - it was getting good quality sleep. After that my head felt clearer so I was able to concentrate on getting better.
(Source)
How did you get to where you are now?
It took a lot of hard work. I stopped the medication after just over a year. I was getting to the point where I didn't want depression and anxiety to be looming over me any more. My general mood had changed and I was starting to recognise my symptoms - being able to combat them before they escalated. To be honest, I still have down days where I feel like I'm dreaming and that nothing is real. And I still can't look at myself for long periods of time because I don't recognise myself but I am working on that. Every day I'm trying to make myself feel human again - and I believe I can get there slowly but surely...
I just want to thank all my family and friends for looking after me through this time of my life; it really means a lot to me. I would also like to advise anyone who feels down - even just a little bit - to go and visit their doctor or health visitor. They are always there to listen to you (my health visitor was fantastic). You may feel like an unfit mother or completely hopeless but you're not. You're doing your best.
For more information on Health Anxiety (hypochondria) visit
And for more information on Post Natal Depression
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