How I Deal With Stress & Anxiety

Yesterday's post was quite heavy hitting so today I thought I would do something a little bit more light hearted for my sake and yours. I'm the ultimate stress head and worrier (anxiety). Over the months I was being treated I learnt many ways of how to control and cope with my symptoms so I decided to share a few with you.

The Blob Man Tree

First things first, look at this tree of blob men (there's a link to download it below). You may recognise it as it seems to be quite well known online. 

(Download it here Blob Man Tree)

I was introduced to this at the start of my confidence building course through Sure Start. The idea is to colour in the blobs you best feel describe your feelings at the moment. For example, the man hanging on by a branch could symbolise your insecurity or the man facing the wrong way could show loneliness. You colour in as many as you want to show your feelings, but each man could symbolise something different to different people. I found it helpful as it was a way to get my feelings down on paper without going too in depth. Once I had completed the course, I had to colour another in - and it was very different. Some of them were the same like the man reaching out (it showed 'help me!' for me) but I also had added a man at the top on the shelf because I felt like I was half way on my journey to being at the top and happy again. 

It may be worth doing one of these every now and again so you can get a good look at how you're doing and access certain parts of your life that may be making you unhappy.

Hot Bubbles

This is baths of course. Everyone loves a good bath (or shower). I know this point is pretty self explanatory but we forget sometimes how therapeutic hot water can be for us. It relaxes our muscles and gives us time to think (or if you're anxious - time to forget everything). I recommend Radox Stress Relief. It's only about £1 but it does work. My mum has had Radox in the house for as long as I can remember... 

(Buy from Ocado)

Loud, Loud Music

I never really took to classical or whale songs to relax myself. When I'm feeling stressed I tend to whack on a bit of heavy metal or pop punk just so I can dance around like a loony and sing all the words. It does make me feel a hell of a lot better, especially if I have seen the band live (it takes me back to the moment). Dexter loves his rock music too now, so he doesn't mind having a little dance with me. At least at home nobody can see rubbish moves.  Haha. Apart from rock music I love Patrick Wolf; his voice just soothes me if having a good dance doesn't work - try Wind in the Wires or Stars if you're curious. 

(Source)

Join Happier

Some of the best advice I ever received was to write three positive things down every single day. It can be anything like 'being able to hang the washing out in the sunshine' or 'the baby went to bed well' - just anything at all that made you feel good. If you do this every day you'll start to feel more positive about the days ahead. Slowly as I was starting to become more positive, my three 'daily happy notes' were become better. I look back at the book now and the first months were very generalised things like 'I cleaned the house'. But then towards the end of them it became things like 'I feel good about myself' - that is a big step to take when you have depression. As many of you may know. 

(Source)

If pen and paper aren't your thing visit Happier.com (there's an app too!). There you'll be sent notifications so write your 3 happy moments, you can also share them with the world and view other peoples. Happiness all around basically!

And if all else fails...

I go and complain to my mum and get a big cuddle. I know some people may not be as close to their parents as I am, this may not be out of choice but anyone close to you can make you feel better. This can be by just listening to what you have to say - or even just giving you a hug. The amount of times I've ranted in text messages or over the phone would top the scale. But ears are there to listen - even if it is about how annoyed or upset you are.

If it's having children and not being able to cope that is making you upset then there's nobody better to ask than your mum or close family member. They've seen, felt and heard it all before so they'll be able to give you the best advice.

There is loads more I could put on this list such as breathing and sitting in the dark but I'll leave it at that and ask:

How do you cope with stress or anxiety?

An Interview With Myself (The Story So Far...)

So today I am going to try something new (again). I thought I should inform my readers of who I am exactly. What brought me to blogging and how I feel I can help others. What better way than to do an interview. And as it's just me writing, I thought I could interview myself. This is because I'm willing to ask the toughest questions and be able to give my honest answers. 

So Alice, you're 22 years old and you live with your fiance, son and cat. How did this come to happen? Give me a short summary of your life so far?

Well, I grew up in Kendal (Cumbria) until I was around 4 years old. Then we moved to Southport and I continued to live there until I was around 17, 18 years old. I met my other half (Lee) whilst working for a high street game shop (not GAME). We were friends for a while then a relationship just developed in the end. I found out I was pregnant when I was only about 4 weeks gone but we were pretty chuffed even though we'd only been together a year or so we'd known each other a while longer.  Things got serious pretty quickly, we moved into together and after months and months of begging he finally let me get my cat (as long as he named it, of course).

After you had Dexter how was life for you? Did you fall into it easily?

I'll be honest. Life was tough. After just a few days of leaving the hospital I felt drained and all I wanted to do was sit in the bath and cry. My mood would go up and down but I just put it down to 'baby blues' which is very common in mums who've spent time in hospital and stuff. Of course the first months flew by and it was great to have my baby home although at times I found the whole thing very scary and mentally exhausting. 

It says here that you suffered from PND (Post natal depression) and health anxiety. Could you tell me more about those and how they affected your life? 

Sure. Well post natal depression can affect up to 15% of new mums with around 25% of mothers still suffering from it when their baby reaches their first birthday (source). It usually effects the mums mood and how they want to interact with their new baby. You may feel like a hopeless parent who just can't cope, it can also affect your quality of sleep. Health anxiety can also be a sign of depression although it offers up different symptoms. The way it works is like regular anxiety although your worries are usually medical. For example thinking you're having a heart attack after one heart palpitation. 

(Source)

I had a mix of both of these and life was hell. I'd wake up each day feeling as though I hadn't slept to then have to face another day of exhausting mummy tasks. Each time I got out of breath I thought I was dying, every time my legs ached or I got pins and needles I thought it was because I had multiple sclerosis, or mistaking heart burn and jaw ache for cardiac arrest. The thoughts and feelings would come around in sickening waves and vicious circles. My mood was greatly affected, I'd snap at Lee for no reason - I'd become stressed very easily if Dexter wouldn't settle. All I wanted to do  was sleep and when it came to doing that I felt like I wasn't getting any rest. And then of course it'd all start all over again. I was forever walking around in a dream world convincing myself I hadn't woken up yet and nothing was real. It really was hell. 

Wow, that sounds like it was a very hard time for you. When did you realise that enough was enough?

It took a bit of a kick in the bum from my other half and family members to be honest. I could see how it wasn't just myself who was suffering from these illnesses. My relationships were too. I couldn't go to my friends houses without ending up in tears because I was anxious to be away from home. It was seriously damaging everything around me. I was one of the lucky ones though, I never thought about suicide because I knew I couldn't leave my precious little boy behind - although self harm did cross my mind (I didn't do it). It took Lee to take me to the doctors one day and I just broke down crying. They could see straight away I needed help. To be honest, they probably noticed it a long time before that. I had been in the doctors 6 times in 2 weeks because of a lump on my collarbone which I was convinced was cancer (it wasn't). 

(Source)

What happened next for you? How did the doctors help you?

I was asked to do a simple questionnaire which basically asked me on a scale of 1 - 5 how I had been feeling over the past two weeks. It included if I had been feeling 'Down, depressed or hopeless' among other things like 'Little interest in doing activities you usually enjoyed'. So I filled it in and the doctor came to the conclusion I had severe anxiety and mild PND. I was referred to a counsellor who was specifically trained to deal with anxiety and I worked with her for a while. She helped to explain why I was feeling this way (because I want to be there for my son forever) and also she gave me little workbooks to take home. I was advised to write down my symptoms and thoughts throughout the day so she could target the triggers so we could talk about them at our next session. I also did a couple of weeks counselling through my Sure Start centre which was more general but was told to stop whilst I was seeing the specialist. As well as this I was taking antidepressants. 

When did you start noticing changes in your mood and way of thinking?

It took a few weeks for the medication to start working and I was able to sleep deeper, the problem wasn't getting to sleep for me - it was getting good quality sleep. After that my head felt clearer so I was able to concentrate on getting better.

(Source)

How did you get to where you are now?

It took a lot of hard work. I stopped the medication after just over a year. I was getting to the point where I didn't want depression and anxiety to be looming over me any more. My general mood had changed and I was starting to recognise my symptoms - being able to combat them before they escalated. To be honest, I still have down days where I feel like I'm dreaming and that nothing is real. And I still can't look at myself for long periods of time because I don't recognise myself but I am working on that. Every day I'm trying to make myself feel human again - and I believe I can get there slowly but surely... 

I just want to thank all my family and friends for looking after me through this time of my life; it really means a lot to me. I would also like to advise anyone who feels down - even just a little bit - to go and visit their doctor or health visitor. They are always there to listen to you (my health visitor was fantastic). You may feel like an unfit mother or completely hopeless but you're not. You're doing your best. 

For more information on Health Anxiety (hypochondria) visit 

NHS Direct - Hypochondria

And for more information on Post Natal Depression

NSH Direct - Post Natal Depression

Elmer by David McKee (Leaning Morals From Children's Books Pt.1)

Now this is a new concept I just seemed to come up with, so you'll have to stick with me and tell me honestly what you think. As you may know I study English and this has taught me to start reading between the lines in books. This is a good thing but I can't seem to switch off my academic mind, even when I am reading children's fiction. So. Here goes.

Yesterday Dexter, my mum and I went to the library to get some books out for Dexter's bedtime stories. I thought to get Elmer because I've heard of it but didn't actually remember the story.  Basically, if you don't either, it's about the patchwork elephant who wants to be the same as everyone else because he thinks the way he looks is why he's being laughed at. He decides to go on a journey across the jungle to rub berries on himself to make himself grey like everyone else. Dexter absolutely adored the book, it's got amazing bright colours and lovely rhyming text. So I highly recommend you read it to your little one if you haven't already. But, it's not just children who can take something from this story. 

(Find Elmer on Goodreads)

So, this is how I interpreted it and also maybe took something from it in a way. At the start of the book Elmer is happy because he can make all the elephants smile. This in a way could be when we were younger. We didn't care what we looked like, or who we were. We were happy if we could tell a funny joke or make someone laugh. Then Elmer becomes upset one night as he starts to think about himself and how different he is. This is typical behavior of say teenagers orrr adults. I always felt uncomfortable going into those baby groups that I mentioned earlier because I felt I looked different. I've got a few, quite big, tattoos and two piercings through my nose - it's rare at these places you see someone the same as you. Also I was a lot younger than any of the mums there and I felt they could have been judging me for the way I looked. So I guess that's one of the reasons I may have felt so nervous going, and avoided them at any cost. 

All the animals in the jungle would say hello to Elmer as he walked along because they recognized him, he was very different after all. But this was what made Elmer sad in a way. He was known as the joker, the funny one, the one who was different. Once he had made himself like everyone else (rolling in grey berries), he was pleased at first that people didn't recognize him. I believe in life, we do this when we are feeling insecure. We put on a front and try to fit in because we're too ashamed to talk about our emotions. This could be by putting on loads of make up and nice clothes to make yourself feel better, maybe even just trying too hard to fit in. Following trends, buying the same thing as someone else just to the same. Or even forcing a smile when you really don't feel like it. I know I'm guilty of a couple of those and I bet some other people are too. But in the end, none of the other elephants even noticed Elmer once he got back. 

(Source)

Elmer had started to realize the world was just grey and dull without him. He needed to do something so he reverted back to his old ways and do you know what? The other elephants celebrated him for that. We should all celebrate our weirdness from time to time and make sure we don't just cover it up when we're feeling alone or out of place. There is always someone who's willing to listen to you. And those people will care for you and appreciate you for you. Flaws and all. The world would be a boring place if we all had the same emotions and looked the same. And believe me you won't be the only one with that problem you may be having. So it's always best not to cover it up, and just celebrate it as a part of who you are.

Seeing Friends When You Have None

By none, I mean those without children... I was nineteen when I had Dexter and to some that is very young to have children. From a school age I only really had a small group of friends and I still do. After having Dexter I just locked myself away from the world and it took me a long long time to have the courage to go out to baby groups to meet other mums (I was literally dragged) but do you know what? Once I got there I was fine. I may have been holding my breath and feeling insecure for the first twenty minutes but I was so proud of myself for doing it! I'll be honest though, I've only come out with one or two friends who have children (I wish I had more - hello other mummys!). 

My Facebook is full of people around my age with children but I never really have the courage to offer to meet up for a play date or maybe even ask them for advice because despite it all I believe they won't want to! This brings me back to that old group of friends I've always had and can always rely on. 

Motherhood can feel very isolating at times. This may be because we, in some way, feel left out as we are the only ones with children (I know that's what worries me). I don't want to be the only friend to bring a pram to town or the only one who has to change a nappy in the middle of a coffee break but that is just the way it is. Don't get me wrong, I love spending my time with Dexter but it can be hard work when all you want to do is have a quick gossip with friends. Therefore I have decided that from now on I need to change the way I think my friends think, if that makes sense...

(My best friend Amy on the left and myself - I was lucky enough to get a weekend off Mummy duties to go to Leeds Festival 2013)

Friends love you and you love them for them - a child is just an extension of who you are. Therefore that friend will probably love that child too. How would you feel if your best friend had a baby and you didn't? Would you completely disown them and say "that's the end of that"? No. And I know I wouldn't either so why do I hammer into my head that I am just a burden to them? Of course they probably enjoy the baby free time but I bet they love the time spent with their best friends little ones too. This is why I think spending time away from your family and home is very good for your friendships. Even if it's going to the cinema, a meal or a girly sleepover it doesn't matter. It may be a long time between each time we get to see our friends now we've got a family or they have work commitments so we have to grasp these moments when we can. Annddd if all else fails and you can't get a baby sitter there's always the soft play area, they sell coffee for a reason...

Stop, Look and Listen

Today has been a pretty average Thursday for us. I collected Dexter from nursery at lunch time and we walked home in the rain. But, as we were walking along Dexter spotted the dandelion clocks growing in the grass outside. He told me there was a flower and went to pick one. I explained to him that he should blow on the flower to tell the time, so with a little attempt he tried and tried. In the end I had to show him and off the seeds flew. Dexter started saying 'snow, snow'. He was absolutely amazed at how these plants could produce a little flurry of something quite magical. That leads me to the point of today's entry...

Image Link

We all rush around each day from one place to the next, and I'm not saying I don't do this too but... if there is something I have learnt from having a two year old that everything in this world is magical. Each day I worry I'm not teaching Dexter enough, or that he doesn't get to explore as much as I'd like him too. This is in fact not the case at all. He learns something every day. He's so intrigued by everything and everyone. A little, what would be a weed to an adult, can be a massive discovery to a toddler about cause and effect. Or maybe a little ant on the floor, to us they're a nuisance (fair enough) but to them it's one of the most amazing things they can see. Something so tiny it can even fit on the end of their finger must be fascinating.  

(Dexter and his daisy)

When did we all stop noticing the world around us? Every day we walk past things and never really look. We could all learn something from children. Whether it's how to be accepting about everyone, never being judgmental or racist. Or even how to see at the world as though we've never seen it before. Have you ever just stopped, just to look at something for a little bit longer? Yeah, you may do this on holiday or on trips out but what about in every day life? One of the things I learnt whilst on a course to build up my confidence again after having Dexter is that we should just stop from time to time. Maybe to just smell the fresh air in the morning, to enjoy the warm water running through our hair in the shower or savoring that last bite of cake as though it'll be the last one you'll ever eat. I know I'm getting quite deep here and that some may think it's daft to enjoy these things in the moment but I personally believe it's important for our well being and enjoyment of life. 

If we stop noticing things completely our lives may just go by in a blur. We could wake up one day and stop being able to smell cut grass or take that morning stroll we've always took for granted. Yes, I am being quite morbid but it's about time I realized it's true. I can be very lazy sometimes and a trip to the shop can feel like I'm about to climb Everest but today I've realized I need to kick the habit of rushing around from task to task and just enjoy whatever life throws at me, just like Dexter does. Children of a young age don't really get the choice of what to do when it comes to daily routines but they take it and enjoy it (well, most of it apart from nappy changes and bedtime in Dexter's case). 

The proud face of my son when he's successfully lined up some cars can sometimes fill me with jealousy, he doesn't have a care in the world. We all wish life was easier sometimes and that we had less to worry about because it is bloody hard but we could take such simple steps to improve it. I think if we all thought like a two year old from time to time we'd appreciate what we've got a whole lot more...

Next time you're having a rough day or feeling a little low, just stop - look - listen. You'll be amazed. Learn something new, show it to someone else or write about it. Boast about what you've achieved, anything! Just do it if you enjoy it. So what if someone thinks you're strange for staring at a funny insect or smelling the flowers. You'll be feeling great and that's all that matters.