Things You Don't Think You'll Miss

So as I am preparing for a weekend alone whilst Dexter visits his Dad I thought I would reflect on those things you really don't think you'll miss...

Their voice first thing on a morning

This one is a strange one. I hate waking up at 7:30am everyday, I'm not going to lie. And as much as I love a well deserved lie in I still often wake up at this time expecting to hear a little voice in the room next door telling me they're cooking me breakfast or shouting at me that they need their nappy changing. 

Dexter is quite good on a morning; he will quite happily wake up and look at books or play with toys before he alerts me he's awake. This is usually when he's hungry or thirsty. I still haven't removed his blackout blind or taken off his safety gate though, I like the luxury of a little longer in bed because he still thinks it's night time and the fact he can't sneak out and cause havoc without me downstairs. 

The way they get you into absolute hysterics over silly things

Dexter is absolutely hilarious, I am not being biased here, he can crack anybody up. But the way he gets me the most is the way he still can't say certain words. He is such an eloquent speaker already so when he still gets caught up I find it so funny. Don't get me wrong, I know I shouldn't laugh when he is learning, but the thing with Dexter is he will laugh with me. 

(Don't worry, this was before he had a bath!)

We love silly words. His new favourite book is 'On Beyond Zebra' by Dr Seuss. Floob-boober-bab-boober-bubs and all those other animals 'on beyond zebra' are where we can truly express how funny talking can be...especially when he tries to say them too.   

My Little Pony

This is just about TV in general. Dexter's favourite show is My Little Pony and although it can get boring watching the same episodes on repeat I love to hear him learn the names of the characters and sing the songs. It reminds me that his brain really is like a sponge, he will literally absorb everything. Plus it's also fun to sing the theme tune and watch his face light up. I like to take an interest in his life and listen to what he has to say. 

Temper Tantrums

Yes really. Dexter has his fair share of grumpy days but now I've relaxed into parenting I look on the bright side. Half of the time his fits are over something silly, and he knows it too. So I sit and look at him and giggle which usually makes him laugh too. He soon snaps out of it, and also there is something incredibly cute about his little bottom lip sticking out if he doesn't get his own way!

Just the other day I took him to his usual swimming lesson. He kept telling me he wanted the pink floats so I told his to ask his teacher nicely at the start of the lesson. He did ask her but she didn't quite hear him. This of course led Dexter to become absolutely distraught. His lip went out and his tears rolled down his cheeks and the teacher was in shock! She went up to him and asked him what was wrong and he said he wanted the pink ones. He was happy to oblige but I have honestly never seen him go from fine to completely devastated in under 10 seconds before. 

Company 

Dexter is only a toddler and I know as a now single mum how lonely it really is to be alone for a few days. I was used to expecting somebody home at a certain time but now I get my evenings to myself. This is when I truly miss my little man. It's very hard working being on call 24/7 but it makes me feel like I have a purpose and something to do. Walking to the park or hanging out at home really isn't as fun without Spud around. I get wound up sometimes when I want to just sit and have a cup of tea for ten minutes but I didn't honestly think I would miss being pestered but I kinda do. 

Since Dexter now shares his time between both parents I don't realise how much I appreciate him. He keeps me company, gives me cuddles and is the reason I get out of bed. Giving him his cereal and helping him build train tracks may seem like monotonous tasks at the time but when he is gone I notice these are the things that structure my day and when they aren't there I feel lost.

There are much more things I miss about Dexter when he isn't around but I also appreciate the importance of 'me time'. I do miss the luxury of reading a magazine over breakfast and being able to nip to the shop on an evening but I wouldn't change being a mummy for anything. 

I did it again..

I am literally the world's worst blogger. I did it again. I let you down and I let myself down. I said 'Yes, this time my blog will be successful and consistent' but it wasn't.

See a lot has happened to me this past year so I guess that's why I gave up writing. I started university, I broke up with Dexter's dad and I got a year older.

The hardest part I guess was becoming a single mum. I was sick of living with my dominating, miserable and downright ignorant 'partner'. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful father and I wouldn't ever remove my son from his Dad without a good reason but it really had to end. As you may know from reading my previous blogs, I am an anxious person and it just took me a little while to realise my relationship was one of the main causes for my heartache. I didn't know where I stood, I felt lonely and unsupported which caused me to struggle with exhaustion each day, which in turn piled on top of me. Anxiety and extreme fatigue are not a great combination.

And now it's over and has been for a long time I feel okay. I now know I don't need to defend this man to anyone anymore because he is none of my business. I will always love and care for him as the father of my child but there will never be anymore to it than that now. He doesn't treat me or anyone else with the respect I deserve and this is why I guess I am ranting. You should never be made to feel less than what you are. Be it by a boyfriend or anyone else. I felt like a faliure who had broken a family, when in fact what I have done is put myself first for once. My son is happy and that is all that matters. He no longer has to listen to his parents row and he still gets to see both of us on neutral ground - I mean I have always pretty much been a single mum anyway.

This blog post is a bit sporadic and I am sorry about that. I'm blabbering to my keyboard as I have so many things I could say - but for now I will leave you with this. This is my summer for writing and blogging and I hope I have something interesting to tell you over the next few months. I will try hard not to fail again.

Sorry x

A Letter To My Post Pregnancy Body

For today's post I was inspired by this A Fresh Look At Post Pregnancy Bodies. It's inevitable that after you've had a baby, you're going to look different and that's scary. I though't I'd write a letter to my body and tell it how I really feel.

Dear Body,

Firstly I would like to say thank you. Thank you for holding my baby for me for nine months and providing my baby with the nourishment they needed to grow. I know before my baby was there I never really looked after you, but you reminded me that needed to stop. 

Lee thought you were beautiful whereas I thought you were too chubby in the wrong places and too pale. I didn't like the way you were red on my face or how you were dry on my legs. I hated the way you would bruise so easily so I always looked like I'd been dragged through a hedge. My boobs were too big and uncomfortable - they made me feel self concious. My hair wouldn't grow fast enough and my nails were always short and stumpy. I didn't like my weird belly button and how I already looked pregnant when I wasn't. My bum is too flat, my head was too big (to fit in hats I liked).

But then I found out you'd started to grow my baby and all I wanted to do was nurture you and make you feel loved again. I'd started drinking more water and eating more fruit. I even cut down on chocolate just for you. Caffeine as well, although I still had my morning coffee but I was told that would be okay. Since you started growing my baby I wanted to make sure you got the treatment you deserved, I gave prenatal yoga a try but I won't lie - that didn't last long. I preferred walking anyway.

Your bump started getting bigger and bigger and as your skin stretched those 'dreaded' stretch marks showed up too. I bought some Bio Oil from the internet and started rubbing that on your ever expanding stomach and it did feel lovely but you were getting so big it wasn't doing much good. I couldn't believe it though, I'd never looked at you body, in such awe before. I was always feeling my stomach not believing how big it had gotten in such a short amount of time. 

(41 weeks pregnant)

After you'd amazingly helped me get my baby boy into my arms I was left with a post pregnancy belly (meaning I still looked pregnant, but somewhat saggy). The midwife told me to call some of the phone numbers I'd listed in case I was mourning my bump or wanted to talk more about my birth experience. But I just laughed it off. Who would miss being heavily pregnant? Me apparently. A few days after coming home I cried for my bump. I missed it. I had this lovely round belly that everyone saw. When I was pregnant I never felt self concious - I felt proud. Proud that my body was capable of growing a baby.

Two years on and I still have body hang ups like everyone else. I mean we are only a human. But now my boobs have shrunk again and my body is sort of deflated. I've lost the baby weight I'd put on you all those months ago. I tried the gym again and of course it didn't work. You never gave up on me through my anxiety. You stayed strong and kept me on my feet, kept me going through those long nights and days. I respect you for that, I was so harsh on you. Not eating much and pushing you to your limit. But you were there for me.

I still have those stretch marks, and they are fading now too. Although I don't really like them sometimes it is nice to think about how they got there, and what you did for me - body. You really are a great friend. I'm sorry I hate you so much sometimes. And I'm sorry I still pump you full of sugar (you can blame my sweet tooth for that one). But I'm learning to live with you. And accept you. There are much bigger things in this world to worry about.

Yours sincerely

Alice x 

When The Terrible Twos Gets Too Much

At two, children go through loads of changes. They may start nursery school, potty training or get a bigger bed. Sometimes it's hard to remember how big these changes are for them. Because as mums, we struggle. Today I thought I'd write about my experience with the terrible twos... 

Not eating their tea

Dexter isn't a fussy eater, he will try almost everything (apart from peas). So when I've made him something like pasta with tuna or even jacket potatoes and he down right refuses it - it is so frustrating. I often think: I know he's hungry, he isn't unwell, he likes it because he's had it before. So WHY aren't you eating it now!? It's hard to stay calm in these situations because you don't want to make them feel bad if there is an underlying situation but it's hard work when you go through so much hard working preparing it for them to just turn their nose up at it and go hungry. And then where do you go from there? I don't want to have to cook him something else because no doubt he will just turn his nose up at that too, but then I don't want him to go hungry either! Ahhhh!

Refusing to go in their pram

I'm all for Dexter walking places and getting exercise but when we really really need to be somewhere I ask him nicely to go in his buggy and explain the reason for it. Usually if I say we are going to Nana's or to go out for tea - he hops right in. But say it's just to get somewhere on time or because we are going on the bus he just turns into a plank. Some other mums may feel like me and want the ground to just swallow you up. You do get funny looks if your child screams out like you're torturing them or something. So you're trying your best to keep your cool, whilst wrestling a huge 2 year old into straps as they are shouting in your face. I can't say this is my favourite thing to do. But a mummy's gotta do what a mummy's got to do. I like to keep a banana or something snack like in my bag as a bribe. Naughty I know - but it does work. Dexter also cries when we have to get off the bus now too!

(Naughty pram bribe - but only at snack times!)

This one we probably all know 'I WANNNTTT'

Dexter just learnt to tell me when he wants something. This is good in ways like when he begins potty training he'll be able to tell me when he needs a wee - or maybe for telling me he wants a drink or something. But Dexter wants everything. He wants another biscuit, he wants a narna (banana), he wants a new car. Yeah he's allowed treats and I don't mind him telling me he wants things (because we all want something) but it's so hard to say no. I'm quite bad and usually give in - unless it's food he's after when he's just eaten. I guess you could say I like to spoil Dexter. There's nothing wrong with that but I need to get over it or I'm going to be left bankrupt. 

(He just had to have the Peppa house)

Crying at bedtime (or nap time)

We recently transitioned Dexter from a cot to a bed. It's the same bed, we just took the side off. And I was really surprised to see he took to it straight away. He loved it, and was always wanting to go to bed. Until one night it started. He got out 1000 times - it was like something from Super Nanny. After repeatedly putting him into bed without saying anything or giving him the attention I admitted defeat and stayed with him. Only for him to expect the same off me the next night and so on. Thankfully he realised once again that bed time is bed time. I'll never understand why children completely knacker themselves out then don't want to go to sleep. In 10 years time it'll all change, I'm sure.

Sharing

Dexter doesn't really like sharing so all I can put for this one is if you're having other toddlers to your house make sure you get allll the toys out to avoid the stress. Trust me if you haven't tried this already it's worth it - although they still always want what the other has got. I've seen an improvement with Dexter's moods over this since he started nursery but when he's on his own turf he likes his own stuff. Forever apologising to visitors for Dexter's temper tantrums over his toys - but hey, that's what kids are like I suppose.

Running around like a crazy person

I was allowing Dexter to walk on his reigns in town the other day as we were just popping to the bank. When he's walking he is very well behaved and doesn't try to run off, but as soon as we got in the bank all hell broke loose. He was swinging around on his reigns, pulling away, refusing to move. I know toddlers don't like to stand still, which is fine but then going back to the pram point - he wouldn't get in there either. I'm there trying to control my riot of a child whilst depositing money into my account. I got a fair few snotty looks but they've obviously never experienced a child at full energy so I will let them off. It's bloody tiring though! Haha.

(At the park blowing off some steam)

General refusal to do anything you tell them

I guess this is a given with parenting and won't end any time soon...

Crying and whining over everything

I hate seeing my little one upset but I get upset too when I just can't figure out what is wrong with him, if it's anything at all. I won't lie though - it's stressful for us mummy's too. We try and try to distract them, make them focus on something else or sing to them. Often it doesn't work so sometimes you just have to let them figure it out for themselves. Usually Dexter is like this when he's had a bad nights sleep but other times I really don't know.

All things considered the good times definitely weigh out the bad - how could I not resist his cheeky face when he tells me he's sorry and gives me a kiss? I know it's important to give your child independence at this age but it's also important to have a break from time to time. Two year old's are exhausting...