Things You Don't Think You'll Miss

So as I am preparing for a weekend alone whilst Dexter visits his Dad I thought I would reflect on those things you really don't think you'll miss...

Their voice first thing on a morning

This one is a strange one. I hate waking up at 7:30am everyday, I'm not going to lie. And as much as I love a well deserved lie in I still often wake up at this time expecting to hear a little voice in the room next door telling me they're cooking me breakfast or shouting at me that they need their nappy changing. 

Dexter is quite good on a morning; he will quite happily wake up and look at books or play with toys before he alerts me he's awake. This is usually when he's hungry or thirsty. I still haven't removed his blackout blind or taken off his safety gate though, I like the luxury of a little longer in bed because he still thinks it's night time and the fact he can't sneak out and cause havoc without me downstairs. 

The way they get you into absolute hysterics over silly things

Dexter is absolutely hilarious, I am not being biased here, he can crack anybody up. But the way he gets me the most is the way he still can't say certain words. He is such an eloquent speaker already so when he still gets caught up I find it so funny. Don't get me wrong, I know I shouldn't laugh when he is learning, but the thing with Dexter is he will laugh with me. 

(Don't worry, this was before he had a bath!)

We love silly words. His new favourite book is 'On Beyond Zebra' by Dr Seuss. Floob-boober-bab-boober-bubs and all those other animals 'on beyond zebra' are where we can truly express how funny talking can be...especially when he tries to say them too.   

My Little Pony

This is just about TV in general. Dexter's favourite show is My Little Pony and although it can get boring watching the same episodes on repeat I love to hear him learn the names of the characters and sing the songs. It reminds me that his brain really is like a sponge, he will literally absorb everything. Plus it's also fun to sing the theme tune and watch his face light up. I like to take an interest in his life and listen to what he has to say. 

Temper Tantrums

Yes really. Dexter has his fair share of grumpy days but now I've relaxed into parenting I look on the bright side. Half of the time his fits are over something silly, and he knows it too. So I sit and look at him and giggle which usually makes him laugh too. He soon snaps out of it, and also there is something incredibly cute about his little bottom lip sticking out if he doesn't get his own way!

Just the other day I took him to his usual swimming lesson. He kept telling me he wanted the pink floats so I told his to ask his teacher nicely at the start of the lesson. He did ask her but she didn't quite hear him. This of course led Dexter to become absolutely distraught. His lip went out and his tears rolled down his cheeks and the teacher was in shock! She went up to him and asked him what was wrong and he said he wanted the pink ones. He was happy to oblige but I have honestly never seen him go from fine to completely devastated in under 10 seconds before. 

Company 

Dexter is only a toddler and I know as a now single mum how lonely it really is to be alone for a few days. I was used to expecting somebody home at a certain time but now I get my evenings to myself. This is when I truly miss my little man. It's very hard working being on call 24/7 but it makes me feel like I have a purpose and something to do. Walking to the park or hanging out at home really isn't as fun without Spud around. I get wound up sometimes when I want to just sit and have a cup of tea for ten minutes but I didn't honestly think I would miss being pestered but I kinda do. 

Since Dexter now shares his time between both parents I don't realise how much I appreciate him. He keeps me company, gives me cuddles and is the reason I get out of bed. Giving him his cereal and helping him build train tracks may seem like monotonous tasks at the time but when he is gone I notice these are the things that structure my day and when they aren't there I feel lost.

There are much more things I miss about Dexter when he isn't around but I also appreciate the importance of 'me time'. I do miss the luxury of reading a magazine over breakfast and being able to nip to the shop on an evening but I wouldn't change being a mummy for anything. 

I did it again..

I am literally the world's worst blogger. I did it again. I let you down and I let myself down. I said 'Yes, this time my blog will be successful and consistent' but it wasn't.

See a lot has happened to me this past year so I guess that's why I gave up writing. I started university, I broke up with Dexter's dad and I got a year older.

The hardest part I guess was becoming a single mum. I was sick of living with my dominating, miserable and downright ignorant 'partner'. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful father and I wouldn't ever remove my son from his Dad without a good reason but it really had to end. As you may know from reading my previous blogs, I am an anxious person and it just took me a little while to realise my relationship was one of the main causes for my heartache. I didn't know where I stood, I felt lonely and unsupported which caused me to struggle with exhaustion each day, which in turn piled on top of me. Anxiety and extreme fatigue are not a great combination.

And now it's over and has been for a long time I feel okay. I now know I don't need to defend this man to anyone anymore because he is none of my business. I will always love and care for him as the father of my child but there will never be anymore to it than that now. He doesn't treat me or anyone else with the respect I deserve and this is why I guess I am ranting. You should never be made to feel less than what you are. Be it by a boyfriend or anyone else. I felt like a faliure who had broken a family, when in fact what I have done is put myself first for once. My son is happy and that is all that matters. He no longer has to listen to his parents row and he still gets to see both of us on neutral ground - I mean I have always pretty much been a single mum anyway.

This blog post is a bit sporadic and I am sorry about that. I'm blabbering to my keyboard as I have so many things I could say - but for now I will leave you with this. This is my summer for writing and blogging and I hope I have something interesting to tell you over the next few months. I will try hard not to fail again.

Sorry x